Myself as a Christian

I guess that most people would know that I’m a Christian.

But I must admit that I’m not a strong believer.

Just like most of my fellow friends, I go to church every Sunday, pray to God, sing to his glorious tunes and do my part as a believer. However, I don’t do that anymore. Actually it’s more like I’m indecisive if I belong to such a strong community of firm believers. Sometimes I decide that I want to go to church but other times I would have other priorities or I just didn’t feel like going that Sunday.  Let me explain my journey as a Christian and where I have landed myself. Maybe some of you can relate to me, some of you are definitely going to oppose me. This is my opinion, my take and my story of faith.

There are always times in life where things are a little tougher than usual. But this is only just normal. My dad used to tell me that we can’t change the circumstances but we can always control our reactions. How we respond to these moments of crisis does say a lot about our character and our worldview. It says a lot about faith as well. We all want to believe that there is someone of a huge authority watching over us, taking care of us through the storm and tumult of this world. We hope for someone to create endless opportunities for us to showcase the best we can be through all the uncertainty.

Ask yourself

“Where do you go when the water rises?”

How you answer this shows a great deal about your faith in yourself- and in God.

Most of my friends around me were Christians. They had a weird confidence in me. But that’s what friends are for, aren’t they? They fill your head with the idea that anything is possible and they push you to believe in yourself. There’s strength in numbers. The older we get, the more we’ve come to understand that the keys to happiness can’t be found in praise, money, plaques or whatever it is we seek in our workaday lives. Those things are pretty nice, but they are a little beside the point. We need to go deeper than trappings or accolades if we seek TRUE happiness and fulfillment and meaning. You need to work if you mean to make yourself a better person, or a difference, or count for something at the end of your days. I know this sounds a bit cliché but it’s the truth isn’t it?

The lessons of the Bible, the insights we draw from one another. I use the Bible as a personal road map on how to live, how to improve myself. Reality is, many of us say we’re looking for religion and meaning to our lives. But then we go to church every Sunday; singing holy songs, dip our fingers into holy water and wait for some kind of epiphany. Once we walk out of those halls of glory, we never really have another thought of God until the next Sunday. That is how it is for the most of us, or well, at least for me. I go to church because that’s what you do, or what I was taught to. I don’t beat myself up if I can’t make it to church. But that’s who I am.

That however isn’t the only point of connection I had with God. I found God everywhere around me. I find God in the Bible, in the random acts of kindness I witness every day, in the choices I make and the way I interact with others. The hardest thing to do however is to keep God and religion as an integrated part of our lives. It’s not always easy to set a side a few minutes of absolute reflection. It’s not a lot of time, 20 minutes let’s say, but you’d be surprised on how hard it can be to carve out those moments.  Sometimes I’ll talk to myself as if I’m talking to Him, hoping that he is listening to my need in every wish. Coming to him with my problems and life challenges was becoming a routine, and I found it okay. Sometimes I’m real busy and then I decide to have this 20minutes of reflection in the bus. But then I don’t want to take my headphones off because I’d like to listen to the tunes of the latest tracks or the radio. You can’t just talk to God with DJ Juicy M’s remix in the background. How would you feel if someone talked to you with that blaring on the speakers?

I don’t see church as a place that God only dwells in. He’s everywhere, through his creations around me. Some non-believers will start saying “if God existed, then why does he allow disasters to happen?” or “why does bad things happen to good people?”. It’s always the same answer; free will. God gave us the ability to act and think and choose for ourselves, and that’s why unfavourable things happen. It’s not always moments of difficulty that leave us looking to God’s hands because he is with us in moments of triumph as well. The Bible is filled with stories of individuals meeting with great and sudden success, only to find themselves in dire circumstances because they don’t know how to keep humble in the face of it.

How is it possible not to return hatred to those that hate you?

How to walk a lonely road and become the leader you are meant to be?

Faith is the key.

Let me give you an example.

Tsunamis happen in the Asia region quite frequently over the years. You might ask, “Why did God create that?”

But the more salient question was why the leaders over there didn’t put in a warning system, why did they leave all those people vulnerable to this type of natural disaster.

Why did those mud slides occur a couple years later, when any decent environmental engineer could have told you not to cut down all those trees from the slopes along the coastline?

Maybe if the government hadn’t looked the other way while these people cut down all those trees, because they were poor and desperate for the riches their resources might bring, then perhaps the tsunami and the resulting mudslides wouldn’t have been so calamitous. Free will does open up the world to a lot of horrible outcomes. It opens up an answer for why God “allows” these kinds of horrible things to happen- namely because WE allow them to happen.

Most people would already know that I do associate myself to the entertainment industry of clubbing, partying and drinking, occasionally. Sometimes I post pictures or having my wallpaper of certain social networking sites of tumblr girls smoking or cigarettes. That confuses a lot of people about me. Critics use these against me all the time, telling me off “You’re a Christian! How can you act like this? After all God has done for you?” There is guilt after all but I don’t regret in my life decisions. This is the way I wanted my life to be carried out. This was my way of happiness and taking a break from our hectic lives. Maybe you have a different way; finding peace and tranquility in reading or working out. Everyone is different, and this is why our choices are different. Christians would say all these are out there to tempt you and you’re supposed to not be tempted by the Devil. I guess my whole life isn’t really about God. You break a few rules in life just to taste the thrill but don’t go overboard, it’s hard to pull yourself back up the boat afterwards.

But other than partying and drinking, there’s nothing else in my life that isn’t associated to God. I guess those two are my breaks from everything and everyone. Enjoy life while you can. But there are different ways of enjoying life, different perspectives of joy. This was mine.

I know even at the end of all of this, some people are still going to hate on me saying I’m not a very good Christian, which I do admit to. But I really don’t care anymore because my life is between God and I. It’s really his decision to decide if I’m a good or bad person, to send me through the gates of hell or heaven. But everything in my life has meaning and a reason. Yes sometimes I’m reckless but I’m only beginning life, aren’t I?

I make mistakes, sometimes it takes years just to realize it’s been there the whole time. I go through stages of doubt and fear and insecurity. But I know that someone can be there for me all the time, anywhere, it doesn’t have to be church, it can be in the comfort of my bed, and that’s God.

My mother, besides one uncle and aunt in my family, is the only one who believes in Him. But she doesn’t attend church at all. I don’t think I can recall any memory of her ever bringing me to one either. It was my friends who really introduced me to this religion when I was merely 13. But my family was like me, they were unsure of a God but they used the Bible as a guide in life. It was hard convincing nonbelievers because there isn’t any true evidence to anything besides the Bible itself.

I love God because he opened a path for me to go to through my darkest times and I share my glory with him. I do let him down because sometimes I prioritize materialistic things over him. But I’ll never forget that he’s there. Maybe after some time I’ll let go of some of my bad habits but the reason wouldn’t be for God. Like I said before, I’m not the best Christian and I don’t think I’m a good one either but I am still a Christian and this is how I choose to live my life and my perception of it.